Letter to a Person I lost
Brandon.
I’m not one to do New Year’s Resolutions. 1) Because I never keep them 2) I wont remember what it was a month from now and 3) I don’t need a new year to start anew. I’ve been trying to do that for months now. That’s the problem. It all started after I lost you. You were the ultimate security blanket. The one person I knew I could always fall back on because you were there for the past three years. But in that time of total and utter romantic chaos and turmoil, you transformed into everything I’ve always hated in boys. Perhaps you didn’t even change. Maybe the wool was finally lifted from my eyes and when the mask of infatuation faded I was finally able to see how ugly you really were. So then I lost my security blanket. Suddenly I actually was alone. And what did I do? Jump from boy to boy, bed to bed (I’m being metaphorical) in a feeble attempt to “get over you”. Like getting under someone else was really going to help. I deleted you from Facebook (dramtatic right?). I deleted your number. Yet you’ve still texted me (I’ve yet to reply). I’m staying strong at least on the surface. But let me make one thing clear. I was NEVER in love with you. So you can swallow that fucking ego of yours. Don’t ever try to say that I was.
I wish I knew that all I needed was to be alone. I need closure, which i supposed got from the time we talked side by side til 6 in the morning. Too bad that talk was just another example of the bullshit you constantly spilled to me. And in true typical Kemi fashion I fell for it. Fell for it like I always do. Fuck you for doing this to me. Once I was finally over you (and I promise I’m over you) I moved on to another. And now I’m stuck trying to get over him. So what am I doing now? Getting involved with someone else. When will I ever learn?
You fucked me over. And he fucked me over. And now I just need to breathe. Alone.
